


i swear to god i wasn't born to fight

by svladcjelli



Series: i know i'm not as cool as i'd like to be (11.22.63 Fix-It) [2]
Category: 11.22.63 (TV)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fix-It of Sorts, Get Bill The Jello 2020, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sort Of, actually nice jake epping, all my fics are the same, i need to shut the fuck up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:22:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24549076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svladcjelli/pseuds/svladcjelli
Summary: Domesticity was hard to come by - but it was the little things that mattered most.(Alternately, Bill Turcotte gets his cup of Jell-O.)
Relationships: Jake Epping/Bill Turcotte
Series: i know i'm not as cool as i'd like to be (11.22.63 Fix-It) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1774312
Kudos: 15





	i swear to god i wasn't born to fight

**Author's Note:**

> canon? i pretend i do not see it. i am looking away. the first fic i ever wrote for 112263, i mentioned jello and forgot to give it to him. so heres the make up for it! title is from bambi by hippo campus :)

Living with someone for three years was hard, Bill thought, living with someone who you were on a world-changing mission with, regularly fucked, and was probably in love with was even harder.

There were days where Bill questioned it all. Those were the days when he and Jake wouldn't stop arguing, where Jake would belittle him for making a simple mistake or getting a bit too distracted and they truly couldn't stay in the same room together. Those were the days when Jake would shove him out to the porch so they could have space away from each other- even if it was just for a moment- to collect their thoughts. There were gaps in that three-year time period where Bill wondered why he stayed, why he even bothered putting up with Jake's bullshit when he could be home in Holden. 

But that was it, wasn't it? He didn't want to go back to Holden. He didn't want to reside in a place where Clara's memory still lingered- no, he felt more at home with Jake than he could ever imagine. 

Jake wasn't without flaws- neither of them were. Bill had a relentless smoking habit along with being too hasty and aggressive all the while Jake was a damn-near compulsive liar with a tendency to be selfish. Sometime during the second year of living together when they had finally planted their lips on each other, things began to look up. Their normally too-harsh personalities softened around the edges, vulnerabilities that were once hidden away finally let themselves show. 

And there was Jake. On the days Bill pondered why he stuck around, Jake did the same. Somewhere in his head clouded behind selfishness, he regretted the way he treated Bill. There were moments where he'd look back on the way he yelled at Bill for something petty and he really, truly did feel bad (even though he wouldn't admit it.) 

In the end, they only had each other. 

It was wrong, Bill knew. It was wrong in the eyes of God and possibly everyone in the world and if his father could ever see the way he kissed Jake on humid Texan evenings he'd be sure Bill would never see the light of day again. He felt horrid about it all, he knew Jake became more than a fuck-buddy solely by the way he caught himself staring into those brown eyes. 

He knew it was vile but part of him knew it didn't matter. It didn't matter when Rafael called him a homo _(and he was right)_ when he was trying to save the fucking president. 

It were the little things that reminded them why they were together. Two mugs in the morning, extra sugar in Bill's coffee, leaving out small snacks like puddings on the desk, always feeling the slight weight on the opposite side of the bed where he rested. They wondered if they would be able to live without that synchrony. 

The short answer was 'yes,' but it certainly wasn't pleasant. They learned to cope when Jake sent Bill to the institution- rather, Jake learned to cope while Bill learned to survive. There were days with Sadie where he found himself putting extra sugar in a coffee that wasn't meant for him or absentmindedly or reaching for Bill's hand during odd hours of the night. On the other side of town, Bill was being forced to forget all those memories with Jake and learn to live without him. 

When he was able to bring Bill home, he didn't know what to expect. In his defense, no one really knows what to do when your best-friend-slash-boyfriend comes back from an inhumane mental facility that you wrongly imprisoned him in. For the first few days, Bill never attempted to communicate with him at all and Jake couldn't exactly blame him. Slowly, Bill finally came out of his shell but surely wasn't the same at all and somewhere in Jake's heart, he knew it never would be. 

Once fierce blue eyes were replaced with dull haunted ones. Jake knew he couldn't take back what was ruined, he took it upon himself to pick up the pieces. 

There were new parts to the small domestic things throughout their life. The newly-practiced way Jake held Bill through nightmares, trying to jog his memory when he forgot where he was, tea in the mornings instead of coffee because it gave Bill a headache later in the afternoon. Through it all, some of the old habits stayed- instinctual or not, Bill was silently thankful for the familiarity. 

It was still two mugs in the morning and feeling for the weight on the other side of the bed, but instead of pudding as snacks throughout the day Jake learned to buy Jell-O. That was one of the first words Bill had spoken to Jake with his newfound freedom and Jake managed to latch on to the memory. 

He started with variety packs that held all the basic flavours before realizing Bill had a strong preference for orange. (If it were an orange-coloured flavour or a coloured-orange flavour, Jake couldn't tell.) In turn, Jake exclusively bought the orange kind. It was the least he could do. 

He left a cup out once a week for Bill, right on the nightstand where he could see. It helped to sit with him on those days that were worse than others- the ones where Bill couldn't decipher if Jake was real or the ones where Bill was so full of hatred for him that he wanted to punch Jake but simply couldn't find the strength in his body to do so. Together, it was okay. 

It was a different sort of day- one of the rare ones where Bill couldn't get his hands to stop shaking but absolutely refused any help. The stubbornness never left, Jake thought, but maybe that was a good thing. 

"God, the fuckin' foil won't peel- Fuck!" 

There was something amusing about watching Bill struggle- it was familiar and near-nostalgic, providing Jake with an odd sense of normality. There was a _pop!_ \- the sound of the tinfoil cover coming off the cup of now-exposed Jell-O. 

Bill's hands were shaking enough to cease the ability of holding a spoon so in turn, he knocked his head back and tried scarfing it down like an animal finding food for the first time in weeks. 

"Jesus, Bill! You're gonna choke!" There was a haughty laughter somewhere hidden beneath the concern in his voice. 

And Bill did just that, spluttering orange coated in saliva back into the cup as he coughed it out. Jake patted his back and for the first time in what felt like forever, Bill laughed. 

"Christ you're paranoid. I was fine 'till you yelled at me, asshole." 

Something grew in Jake's chest enough to make him smile. 

There was a pause, another something Jake was forced to grow accustom to but not quite something he associated with Bill Turcotte. 

"Thank you."

**Author's Note:**

> this ones 4 skyler. skyler if ur seeing this then uhh................. bitch. anyway, as always thank you for reading!!!!! ilysm :')


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